Willfulness vs. Willingness

Psychiatrist Gerald May describes the difference between willingness and willful- ness:

“Willingness implies a surrendering of one’s self-separateness, an entering-into, an immersion in the deepest processes of life itself. It is a realization that one already is a part of some ultimate cosmic process and it is a commitment to participation in that process. In contrast, willfulness is the setting of oneself apart from the fundamental essence of life in an attempt to master, direct, control, or otherwise manipulate existence.”

Take a moment to physically experience both willfulness and willingness. First, make both hands into a fist. Squeeze hard. Feel the tension that grips not only your fingers but also your forearms and biceps, moving up into your shoul- ders and even into your neck. Notice how exhausting it would be to retain this pose for minutes . . . or hours . . . or years. We can call this posture willfulness. It is marked by the determination that my will should prevail. I must have what I desire. I must avoid what I dread. This is a reflex we’re born with. Just put your finger in a baby’s hand, and it will clutch.

Now . . . let go.

Let your fingers relax. Open your hands and let them lie on your lap, palms up toward the sky. Feel the relief that brings to the muscles in your

arms. This is not exhausting. Notice the slight sense of openness, even vulnerabil- ity, that enters both body and mind. Notice, too, the slight sense of anticipation, as though you are ready to welcome something good into your hands. This posture expresses willingness. In this posture we no longer demand to be in control.

Willingness is always available.
Willingness is never exhausting. It refreshes the soul.
The will was made to surrender to God.
Willingness is the key to life with God.

Pray the Serenity Prayer

Pause now and pray through the Serenity Prayer.
Take it slowly, one line at a time.
At each line, see if there is any surrender work to be done in your life. Any

item you need to accept or change. Any place where you need wisdom. Any way God is inviting you to experience his presence “one day at a time.”

And so on through the prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace, taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will—that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever.

Use Each Perplexing Moment as an Invitation to Surrender

This week, whenever you find yourself confused or troubled or agitated or upset or afraid or frustrated—in other words, pretty much all throughout the day—relax your shoulders and open your palms, take a deep breath, and turn it over to God. 

Each time you find yourself worrying about something you thought you had given to God, give it back. No self-condemnation. 

Look for the choice that is available to you in between the stimulus and response. 

Make the prayer of the day, “Your will be done.”

Possible opportunities to pray this prayer:

• When you’re frustrated in a traffic jam 

• When you’re worried about one of your kids When you’re mad at your spouse 

• When you’re mad because you don’t have a spouse

• When your computer crashes

• When you didn’t get accepted into that school

• When you were hoping she’d say yes but she said no

• When you’re worried about money

• When you hit a bad golf shot

• When you don’t like the look of your hair or the number on the scale or the image in the mirror

• When you lie dying