In the early days of the recovery movement, old-timers would sometimes refer to an unwritten thirteenth step. It came when someone who had been bravely seeking to follow the Twelve Steps reached the end of their life and died sober. They were said to have “taken the thirteenth step”—the final step, into the grave. The long struggle was over. The enemy—cunning, baffling, powerful—had at last been defeated once and for all. The person had fought the good fight, fin- ished the race, kept the faith.

Often we think of death as loss and defeat. But for people who have already faced the prospect of death brought on by a soul-shattering affliction, to be able to die a sober death, with head held high, was a glorious triumph. It was a gift to their family. It was an inspiration to others who struggle with addiction to see that life could end on a high, holy note of service and purpose. “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”1

The thirteenth step reminds us that when we reach the end of our life, it will have been worth the grand struggle.

The thirteenth step reminds us that we are not alone. Life is our shared gift; death our common enemy: “No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; . . . any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.”2 We can get in trouble all by ourselves, but to heal we need each other. A frequent reminder in AA runs like this: “I get drunk, we stay sober.”

Or, as Jesus put it, “Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

You are not alone.
You are never alone.
It is worth the struggle.